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I use to think that if I half way did Your will You will still bless me with everything I needed. But that’s not the case at all. I see myself more frustrated with myself than ever before. It’s so hard to let go of toxic relationships…and that’s when I realized I never loved You like You love me. My eyes begin to well up with tears. My heart begins to ache because I know I haven’t given You my all. The world is pulling me back into my selfish desires and I can’t rid them for good. What is wrong with me? How come I just can’t let these things go? I think it’s because I’m afraid of being by myself in this world, even though I know Christ is with me. I just want a bride that loves Christ. I get angry when I think about waiting for her. I just don’t trust myself when it comes to looking for her. I always find the ones that are not trying to seek God and His Kingdom. I often wonder where she is or how she is doing. Am I sitting next to her or is she across the country? Why does my heart yearn for her so bad? Why am I always thinking of her?  I just want this overthinking to go away…I just want the frustration to stop.

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